Our Journey. Episode 9.

Who knew that losing a loved one could feel so draining? Experiencing immediate family loss and grief is incomparable to anything I have ever imagined or encountered in this lifetime.  Ongoing pensive sadness! For me, grieving days are longer, the nights are so dreary… my body gets numb, and if that’s not enough, the world continues with its rapid hustle and bustle forcing me to balance my act or face its consequences. Life stops for no one – not the faint, not the weary. No one should ever attempt to face such a Journey alone; the burden is too heavy. 

As I grieved and in my sorrow, my soul cried out for help. My heart ached for God and the perfect new Heaven and earth where there would be no more sickness nor death; my lips dared not speak lest they complained bitterly and daily about how bewildered I felt. I hid myself in Christ, sat at His feet in silence and trusted His strength to carry me through the rest of my Journey. He gave me renewed hope and cheer – He gave me coping strategies. 

I find God’s strategies to cope with grief very comforting and way better than what I had in mind to get through this difficult season that I face. While I found that pursuing His ways takes courage and commitment, I also found that “casting my cares on Him because He cares for me” (1 Peter 5:7) is more than just word of mouth. It is no easy feat… but I discovered that it becomes easier once I allowed God to help me get started. 

How I chose to overcome grief may not work in the same order for everyone reading this blog but I wanted to share how God is helping me to ease the pain as I journey through this season. As I take on each day, His Word manifests the truth that “His yoke is easy and His burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). Here’s hoping these steps will help you too:

Firstly, vent. 😤 Be honest and tell God how you feel (He knows anyway). I was very honest… maybe too honest… but… I told Him how I felt and how the pain felt unbearable.  I asked Him “why” questions and I told Him I didn’t think it was fair. I vented!  In tenderness, after venting, God reminded me that this was still the broken world… the same broken world that had sentenced His Son to die unjustly… He too was acquainted with unfairness and injustice. I sat penitential at His feet and listened to His side of the story; His story and His presence calmed my raging thoughts. 

Secondly, grieve. 😭 I grieved… I cried at losing my sister, Kerry. She was my only sister and the thought of moving on without her felt overwhelming. No more seeing her in person, no more phone calls… and no more texting. I cried… and cried… and sometimes, I still cry … but I have concluded that during the season of grief, it’s ok to cry; Jesus wept when Lazarus died and when He reminded me that He too was acquainted with grief and sorrow, I began to feel comforted. Grieving is normal but knowing that God could relate to my sorrow and grief continues to bring peace to my spirit. 

Thirdly, reflect. 🤔 I find myself choosing to ponder on the last five years and how God’s hand had orchestrated my every move… reflecting on my past gives me strength for my sorrowful days. I also find myself thinking back to the times when I knew without a doubt that God was with me. As I now reflect, one of the prominent times that I can remember is when I sought God about coming to Texas – as a side note… always seek God about every step you should take so that when rough times come… and they will… you can remind Him that He had said yes to you moving forward with that decision (another episode for another blog). That aside, as I pondered on God’s answer to me about coming to Texas and how He had said to “Go Blind” through a profound sermon, I remember being elated to “go”. In hindsight, I remember thinking that going blindly would mean being plunged into the unknown.  “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger,” was what I had sung to Him back then in 2016, – oh the words we declare through our songs! 🙄 My reflection reminded me that I was on a faith journey. My mind and body is finally starting to catch up with my spirit as I am reminded that God was there all along; He is with me on this Journey. He never left… He will never leave. Healing has begun. 

As healing continues, I am also realizing that throughout the past years, our family was extremely blessed to not have had the loss of an immediate family member due to terminal illness. This blessing may have been taken for granted  but I’m so grateful today that we still have an opportunity to love on those of us who remain. My heart goes out to those who have experienced loss over time and have had to put on a brave face then clothed yourself in strength to catch up with a world that stops for nothing.  As difficult as it is… vent, grieve and reflect… but when you’re done, find comfort in knowing that you are not alone; God has been with you all this time. He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:8). Take courage and rest if you must but don’t you quit!

Until such time, walk good!

Keisha-Marie 

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