In Our Journey Episode 7, I wrote at length about the ‘valley of the shadow of death,’ and little did I know that it would have been the last episode before Kerry transitioned Home. As I reflected on how God led us through this Journey following Kerry’s passing, I had no plans to write another episode. Absolutely none! Yet in my grief, the Holy Spirit beckoned me to write: “I don’t know what to write,” I heard myself muttering to Him, “what else could there possibly be to say since You’ve called Kerry Home?” I stopped, listened, reached for my phone then started typing; apparently, the Journey wasn’t over.
Many people turn away from God when their Journey leads to pain, when they’re disappointed with an outcome or when they feel their prayer was not answered. God wants to reason with us about this: While we were praying for Kerry’s miracle – we prayed from a good heart – she was our loved one and we believed that it was God’s will for her to be healed. We trusted God to heal her… not by taking her Home but by healing her here so we could spend more time together… we wanted her to be here with us in our everyday lives, we wanted her to fellowship with us and for her to see her children grow up to be God’s masterpiece. We knew she had several visions that we wanted her to see through; we felt robbed of her time to fulfill those dreams. We wanted… we wanted… we wanted… God wanted?
Unquestionably, God wanted Kerry healed too… but He also wanted her Home! Personally, while I would have preferred otherwise, based on past experiences, I unreservedly conclude that God’s will is always a better plan. Why? Because He sees the future and the bigger picture while we only see what’s immediately before our eyes – the present. The issue of TRUST now becomes an important lesson for Our Journey!
The God who created the universe has a plan for our lives… (Jeremiah 29:11) and we must learn to trust His plan all the way. I trusted that God would heal Kerry (we both agreed on that part of the plan) but I wanted her to be healed here and He wanted her healed at Home. Of course, I pouted! Isn’t pouting what we’re supposed to do when we don’t get our own way… well – I pouted… and maybe… just maybe I shouldn’t have … but healing her at Home wasn’t what I wanted! 🤨 I was sad 😔. I am missing my sister, my niece and nephew are missing their mom, my own kids are missing their aunt, and I could go on and on with the reasons that I think Kerry should have been healed here… in fact I could argue too that she didn’t deserve to be in so much pain! She really didn’t… but truth be told – sickness and pain are outcomes of this broken world. Reassuringly, we know that when children don’t get their own way, even though they pout, they don’t stay upset for a very long time with a loving dad… it may take a longer time for some than for others to come around but after a while, children end up realizing that father (or mother) loves them and wants the best for them. This works the same way with our Heavenly Father and whenever we’re done pouting, He’s right there with opened arms ready to receive us. I ran to Him! I’m learning to trust!
Kerry’s absence from the body may have left a big hole in our hearts but we know she is present with the Lord and free of pain; the love we have for her will never fade. We will treasure her memories and be thankful each day for the legacy she left us. While we miss her wholeheartedly, we can’t wait to see what our good Father has in His “bigger picture” … that which we cannot see. We will take the time to heal and wait on Him to show Himself as the good Father He is. We will believe His word that the steps of a good man are ordered by God… we will trust that Father knows best!
As we heal and wait… and until such time, walk good!
God bless you!
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