Month: August 2020

In Our Journey Episode 7, I wrote at length about the ‘valley of the shadow of death,’ and little did I know that it would have been the last episode before Kerry transitioned Home. As I reflected on how God led us through this Journey following Kerry’s passing, I had no plans to write another episode. Absolutely none! Yet in my grief, the Holy Spirit beckoned me to write: “I don’t know what to write,” I heard myself muttering to Him, “what else could there possibly be to say since You’ve called Kerry Home?” I stopped, listened, reached for my phone then started typing; apparently, the Journey wasn’t over. 

Many people turn away from God when their Journey leads to pain, when they’re disappointed with an outcome or when they feel their prayer was not answered. God wants to reason with us about this: While we were praying for Kerry’s miracle – we prayed from a good heart – she was our loved one and we believed that it was God’s will for her to be healed. We trusted God to heal her… not by taking her Home but by healing her here so we could spend more time together… we wanted her to be here with us in our everyday lives, we wanted her to fellowship with us and for her to see her children grow up to be God’s masterpiece. We knew she had several visions that we wanted her to see through; we felt robbed of her time to fulfill those dreams. We wanted… we wanted… we wanted… God wanted? 

Unquestionably, God wanted Kerry healed too… but He also wanted her Home!  Personally, while I would have preferred otherwise, based on past experiences, I unreservedly conclude that God’s will is always a better plan. Why? Because He sees the future and the bigger picture while we only see what’s immediately before our eyes – the present.  The issue of TRUST now becomes an important lesson for Our Journey!

The God who created the universe has a plan for our lives… (Jeremiah 29:11) and we must learn to trust His plan all the way. I trusted that God would heal Kerry (we both agreed on that part of the plan) but I wanted her to be healed here and He wanted her healed at Home. Of course, I pouted!  Isn’t pouting what we’re supposed to do when we don’t get our own way… well – I pouted… and maybe… just maybe I shouldn’t have … but healing her at Home wasn’t what I wanted! 🤨 I was sad 😔. I am missing my sister, my niece and nephew are missing their mom, my own kids are missing their aunt, and I could go on and on with the reasons that I think Kerry should have been healed here… in fact I could argue too that she didn’t deserve to be in so much pain! She really didn’t… but truth be told – sickness and pain are outcomes of this broken world. Reassuringly, we know that when children don’t get their own way, even though they pout, they don’t stay upset for a very long time with a loving dad… it may take a longer time for some than for others to come around but after a while, children end up realizing that father (or mother) loves them and wants the best for them. This works the same way with our Heavenly Father and whenever we’re done pouting, He’s right there with opened arms ready to receive us. I ran to Him! I’m learning to trust!

Kerry’s absence from the body may have left a big hole in our hearts but we know she is present with the Lord and free of pain; the love we have for her will never fade. We will treasure her memories and be thankful each day for the legacy she left us. While we miss her wholeheartedly, we can’t wait to see what our good Father has in His “bigger picture” … that which we cannot see.  We will take the time to heal and wait on Him to show Himself as the good Father He is. We will believe His word that the steps of a good man are ordered by God… we will trust that Father knows best! 

As we heal and wait… and until such time, walk good!

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The valley of the shadow of death is a real place – no wonder God spoke through the Psalmist David to make sure it was mentioned in Psalm 23:4 KJV: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

Our Journey now feels like we’re going through that very valley – it’s a place that feels dark, winding, never-ending, scary and painful; it’s a place that emulates death in everything – including hope – it’s a place where everything feels dead. The valley of the shadow of death is a place where everything you touch, see and taste feels dried up, parched and broken… but notice I said “feels.” While the valley is real and feels final, it is through these dreaded feelings that we must continue to assure ourselves… we must never be afraid because we are not alone! God’s rod and staff are here to guide us; as His sheep, this is the season when we practice what we were taught over the years – how to trust and obey the voice of God even when pain hides His hands from us.

Kerry is in constant pain and her body seems to be rapidly familiarizing itself with the pain medication; when this happens, the pain subsides only for a short time and returns within hours… sometimes more excruciating than before. It is never easy to watch someone we love go through pain – we always wish that we could either take it from her or help her carry it through our own bodies especially when she gets tired and overwhelmed. This is never possible as near as we are to her – yet God is using the season and the moments to help us bond as a family and to stand with her through this ordeal. Humanly speaking, we constantly require renewed strength and God has been supplying this each day – this is how He has been helping us through the valley… moment-by-moment… day-by-day. His strength has been made perfect in our weaknesses and in our tiredness and exhaustion, we clothe our minds with His Word to get us through our fears.

“Fear[ing] no evil” requires us to be bold and brave but truthfully, there are days when we don’t want to be. There are days when we just want this sickness to just be over and done and for Kerry to get past this season and become well. Shouldn’t there be a timeline for anyone to travel through this valley? Our Journey taught me that God’s timing is never ours. While listening to a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick a few weeks ago, I felt quickened in my spirit as I was reminded that God’s presence and Spirit doesn’t work in our timing.  What an eye-opener this is for me as my family continues to pray and believe for God’s manifestation on Our Journey. The sermon reminded me that God is “unschedulable” and that while we don’t know what heaven has scheduled – God does!  

As we continue to pray for our miracle, we will continue to wait on God to make our latter days greater than our former days; we will continue to hold on to our confidence that God is going to bless us in the unexpected season! We will go through the “valley of the shadow of death” with every ounce of strength that we have left, believing that our God whom we serve continually is able to deliver us. We choose to believe that our God will “anoint our head[s] with oil,” and that our “cup[s] will run over.”  We declare that “surely goodness and mercy shall follow [us] all the days of [our lives]: and [that we] will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever” (Psalms‬ ‭23:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬). We receive God’s blessings over our lives and over the lives of generations to come. Hallelujah!

In ‘Our Journey, Episode 8,’ I will share with you how I see God moving and how through it all, He’s holding our hands. Until then, walk good.

Know someone who’ll be encouraged by this Journey? Share it on your page using the FB icon below.

One night while I was still living in Jamaica, probably about seven years ago, I was closing my front door and looked up towards the sky (something I love to do, as if to find reassurance from Home)… for those of you who know me very well, you’ll remember that I’m from the ‘country’ and there are some things that a country girl can relate to… for example, at nights, there’s the sound of crickets chirping, there are also blinking “peeny-walley” as we call them, and another of my favorite things as a country girl is the ability to see stars because there aren’t many street lights to drown them out. As I closed the door and looked up to the sky, I thought to myself, “it would be so nice to see a shooting star… just for the sake of seeing it;” I hadn’t seen a shooting star for years and somehow, I felt like I just wanted to see one that night. I stared at the sky for about twenty seconds, hoping… wishing… that perhaps it would just happen in an instant… it didn’t! In my disappointment, I closed the door and went to bed… oh well!

The following night, I was doing my same routine of closing the front door before going to bed, only this time, I deliberately dismissed the thought of seeing a shooting star since it didn’t happen the night before. As I leaned forward to pull the door inward, I decided to take a glance at the sky and as I did, for a duration of about 5 seconds, I saw a star shooting downwards frantically as if to say, “you asked, now here you go… enjoy!” My eyes popped open, my mouth dropped, and my spirit quickened at the sight and awe that God did that just for me – my Heavenly Father was mindful of my disappointment and showed me a shooting star even without me asking Him directly. It was just a thought! That experience taught me a very important lesson that I hold dear even until today on our journey – God is not only concerned about us sharing His Gospel with the world… He’s also very concerned about our every thought, our feelings and our disappointments! He knows our hearts’ desires and nothing that happens to or in us takes Him by surprise.

Kerry’s diagnosis and sickness are no surprise to God; we know unreservedly that He did not give this sickness to her because sickness is the result of a broken and sinful world. In fact, God hates sicknesses and diseases… that’s why He sent Jesus to receive stripes for our healing – God wants us healed! Let me hasten to say that I am no expert on the topic of healing, and I cannot explain why some people are healed in this life while others aren’t. I can say however, that our family’s season of sickness is teaching me to walk in faith each day. As I share Our Journey and record how it all unfolds, I will continue to believe God and watch Him work in our lives as He manifests His healing power!

As our faith is being tested daily, there are some days that are darker than others with physical pain – Kerry’s daily symptoms include a lot of pain that sometimes don’t ease even with pain medication; prayers are constantly going up on her behalf. If God answered my innermost casual thought just to see a shooting star, how much more will He hear the prayers of so many of us who are sincerely intervening on Kerry’s behalf? I recently heard a speaker say, “when things are out of your control and there’s nothing that you can do, that’s a sign that the battle belongs to God.” I’d take this thought a step further and add that all our battles belong to God whether or not they seem out of control. Kerry’s cancer battle belongs to God – your battles (whatever they are) – belong to God! We believe that our Healing Jesus wants us healed and that we are healed by the Word of God. Let’s continue to look to Him for His help, healing, and intervention; He’s able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think (Ephesians 3:20).

In ‘Our Journey, Episode 7,’ I will share with you how God’s presence lifts us in our time of weakness. Until then, walk good.

Know someone who’ll be encouraged by this Journey? Share it on your page using the FB icon below.