It’s been a while since my last episode but I’ve been pacing myself and learning how to adjust each day as time sluggishly carries out it’s duty. The same is true for the children who are all doing their best to take each day in strides. For me, every day is different; there are days when I feel okay… then there are days when I feel like a part of me is missing and it’s so hard to even smile… for those days, I am thankful that we’re wearing masks 😷 because then I can take my time to muster up a genuine smile from my heart (slowly but surely). There are also days when I’d rather sit alone in the quietness of the moment and listen to the voice of my Father as He pours into me His words of comfort. Regardless of how I feel throughout each day, I take time to be patient with myself. I find that being patient … with me… is wholesome; it helps me to keep focus on my journey.
I cannot begin to imagine how people who do not know Jesus in a personal way, handle the emotional stresses and physical demands of losing a loved one. It is hard! Did I say VERY HARD? Every day requires tremendous strength, willpower, and hope to face the thoughts and void that are left behind by absence. The void leaves an emptiness that takes time and energy to be filled up. I find though, that this is natural and quite normal for grieving but as time works hard to bring healing, we must be very careful and alert about how we fill our emptiness. In our vulnerability, it’s quite easy to turn to self-destructive habits and undefined pathways; our minds search for ways to ease the pain and we grapple to restore normalcy and joy. Truth be told, the journey to wellness can only be found in our Creator; His power works best in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
During my own experiences and in my solemn moments, I hide myself in songs and spiritual hymns. I speak less and listen more. I feed on sermons… not just surface sermons, but through the help of the Holy Spirit, I tune in to sermons that minister and bring healing. My choices during this season become crucial because it is during these times of emotional turbulence that the enemy brings doubts, temptation, and distractions; it is during these seasons of brokenness that we can start to feel overwhelmed with the insecurities offered by the world. I realized that these critical seasons can either make us stay sad and broken indefinitely or we can choose to heal with time. I chose the latter. As the Journey progresses and with all the strength I can muster, I find myself pressing through my emotions to keep my heart and mind on Jesus. This choice helps me significantly! I am confident that God is not expecting us to carry our burdens alone… He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103: 14)… so just by saying to Him, “I really need You” or “help me today… please!”, is just one way I bring Him into my circle… and thankfully, He always comes with His gift of peace.
Life is filled with the good, the bad, and the in between… at some point, whether directly or indirectly, we will deal with grief. When we do, let’s not become despondent; grieving is no easy feat but let’s do our best to remember that God promised never to leave us nor forsake us… even in our losses. Sit and ponder, ride the time machine of healing, run the race set before you but while you’re sitting, riding or running, choose also to sing of the goodness of God. His grace is sufficient for us!
Until such time, walk good!
God bless you!
Keisha-Marie
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